Passengers

Do we see with our eyes
What our ears dare not hear

Do we taste with our tongue
What our skin does not feel

Do we sense with our intuition
What our reason may not think is reasonable

Do we know in our soul
That our body is just along for the ride

Learned Violence In American Homes

Six thousand acts of violence are committed every day across the United States.
Victims of rape, abuse, neglect and trauma occupy one in every eight hospital beds.
Thirty percent of all women seeking treatment in emergency departments are victims of battering.
Annually, domestic violence results in 100,000 days of hospitalization, 30,000 emergency department visits and 40,000 visits to physicians.
By proactively seeking therapy before things get too heated can prevent one from becoming a victim of crime or impulsively assaulting another. Of course, rape has many other dimensions and can mercilessly leave anyone a victim/surivior, and therefore has limited relevance to the following discussion.
When we are raised with or exposed to violence the feeling of racing adrenaline oddly becomes natural for us. With conscious awareness and a plan to learn a new way of living (without that traumatic and sometimes fatal drama), can greatly increase our quality of life while opening up a world of wonderful, fulfilling options. There is no need to get stuck in primitive emotions of rage and fear that only continue a viscious cycle of shame and regret. Professional therapists have studied these dynamics and receive extensive training in order to best assist you with tools to break the chains that otherwise bind us to the burdens of our past.

What Kind of Neighbor Are You?

Track Home Neighbors

Neighbors co-habitat
Perhaps, not exactly,
But it seems that way

They are close enough
To imagine your life
And note some relevant details

The smell of
Freshly mowed grass
Could have been your own

It is always hard to tell
What goes on
Behind closed doors

Neighbors generally say hi
Or wave, sort through mail
Or at least chat about the neighborhood

Everything with a few exceptions
Appears to be smooth and calm
As their smile escorts them back to their house

Sometimes we invite them in
For a drink, or coined conversation
Or to hope for friendship close at hand

Neighbors can cause a tale spin
With sudden news of divorce
Or tragedy or complication

We look inside our own home
Or is it just a house, like a holding tank
Until we get the strength, or vulnerability to tell our own story

We barbeque side by side
In the suburbs of our separate lives
Unless we potluck for Independence Day

Raising Your Expectations

You are always capable of creating miracles. As long as you know it and believe it. Always.
Today, raise your expectations. Be open to all possibilities. Always. (Yehuda Berg)

Right now I would like to put this in the context of the possibilites for change and growth in your personal relationships (albeit love, family, work, friendship, colleagues).

We are often afraid to change our interactions because we are not sure how else to be, or not comfortable with our own genuineness. There is an essential truth taught to therapsits which continually plays out in therapy. That is that if one person changes their behavior/interactions the whole system will change. Yes, we can run back to fear, but on the other hand, we can embrace the sacred change of allowing ourselves to speak and be who we truly are by nature. Basically, ask yourself "am I comfortable or uncomfortable with this request or interaction? Start by saying it silently to yourself, until you have practiced enough to say it out loud. Such a blissful freedom to release those words, "No, I won't be comfortable with that", no explaination necessary. People will know they can trust you whether or not they are pleased with your response. It is letting go of the fear of rejection that is biggest here. If others only want you for pleasing their needs, I beleive that is called fostering dependence being "Co-dependent". Enough about labels, you will feel self respect and you will have earned the respect of others. They will essentially have to change their interactions with you for the better, unless they are all about using, and in that case they will simply leave you alone. So today, why not raise your expectations for yourself, others will follow the best they can.

Best to You,

Carol Cole

The New Lovers

As the saying goes
“Everything is the opposite of what it seems”

Once again, it rings true.



The young are beautiful

Hard-bodied, sexy

But the essence is still asleep



The Romeo and Juliet

Trauma, drama that shakes up emotions

And compels one to rebellious convictions.



Then there is the procreating years

More obsessed with building the home

Than creating an authentic life



Children, careers

The steady buzz

Of productive, get it going feats.



Then there is the launching

And revisiting the relationship

Quieted from the long journey at sea



Looking into each other’s eyes

Ready for child-free fun

Tapered with flashback body memories from youth



Then the later years

When, if you have made it

You have that in itself to share



You savor the moments

Tender and few as they may be

Knowing what a whirlwind it all has been



You hold on to your health with gratitude

You care for and share with each other with humility

You celebrate crossing paths.



These lovers dream as one

Beyond the physicality of time

They are exquisitely entwined, bridging all gaps.

What about Confrontation?

This seems to be such a scary taboo, concept for so many people. What are they interpreting it to bring- pain, retaliation, anger, loss of love, accusation and rejection? Perhaps these were familiar patterns in the home of origin. Maybe family edicts growing up, taught; these would be the consequences and would be a sure fire way to always upset the apple cart.

I say “let’s shake it up”. If we don’t allow ourselves the freedom of our true voice and thoughts we suppress our lives away into toxic, internalized illness, and a true feeling of disconnect and alienation. Many homes have taught avoidance, numbing and denial at all costs. These may have been alcoholic families, violent households, or just very repressed, or even part of cultural norms. Not trying to impose values on anyone, but rather encourage open communication as a vital part of health and a freeing of the spirit to gain clarity. Whether the other is able to take in your inquiry negatively, or with warmth and receptivity is only one part of the equation. Just release it without expectation. If you speak your truth in a kind and dignified manner (maybe you need to write it down first, and think it through), you will not suffer with the lie, nor the lack of understanding of the situation. So why not replace the word “confrontation” with “Clarification”. Clarity prevents craziness on so many levels and lets you sleep at night, knowing you have said your peace. Perhaps you may even receive gems of warmth and understanding in the response you may engender.

Best of luck launching your courage to not stay stuck in the gagging smoke of fear.

What are you really seeing?

Our view of the world is physical and practical. Because of this, we have a limited view. We see a fraction of the whole picture. We tend ask ‘how,’ not ‘why.’ To develop our spiritual potential, we can learn to see beyond the physicality of the world.


Today, when you feel compelled to criticize or judge, ask yourself, “Do I see the whole picture? What am I missing?” By holding back and restricting this initial impulse, you can escape your shortsightedness and see the big picture
(written by Yehuda Berg)

Sunday Poem

Out on the Borderline




I walk outside my body

The mirror creates

What I think

I ought to be



I feel so young

In this burdensome image

Seduction is my draw

I will you in and suck you through my pores



I mean no harm

But I feel nothing

If not for jealousy

and abandonment



I am angry

At all those that began

My ascent into hell

And the surefire continuation of my greatest fears



I believe you

When you say you love me

And will protect me at any cost

The price I paid for the sacrifices made, incalculable



I am the perpetual victim

Losing what is left of myself

In the chaos

Of my frenzied hunt for recognition and lasting attention



Put me in your arms

Keep me safe

Through the days and nights

Of my own disasterous plight



I love you- you are everything

I hate you- you are only an object of my manipulation

You all get caught up in my seeming vulnerabilities

But then you disappoint



I have no alternative

But to slice you up

With venomous chops

As my empty insides never get filled